Love is absolute, damnit.
I know this is going to make me sound like
a crazy hippy, but I think love is constant,
only expression is variable, and decided by
society.
Here's an example:
I love my close male friends. Usually I express
my love for them by letting them know that
they are great friends, helping them with problems,
maybe a hug here and there, etc. In european
countries, however, men kiss eachother on the cheek,
and stuff. Now, that sort of thing would probably make
me a tad uncomfortable, but that's only because society
has ingrained a strong homophobic tendency into my head.
Fair enough, but here's where the problem comes in.
I love my close female friends. Now, for me, since
love is absolute, and constant, I want to be as close
to them as possible. Let us assume that becoming closer
and more important to someone rests on a continuum based
on society's take on relationships. For example, a
"boyfriend" is closer than a "friend" and a "husband" is
closer than a boyfriend.
Now, given that paradigm, it becomes very complicated.
It's not as if when you love someone, and want to be closer
to them, you can say, "Hey Sally, I wish to grow closer to you,
through means of physical affection such as holding hands
and hugging, perhaps kissing on occassion!" You have to make a
jump to the next level on this relationship ladder(at least for
every day, normal people). The problem is, if the affection
is not returned for whatever reason, sometimes it gets
rather difficult to return to the lower rung of the ladder,
i.e. Friend from attempted boyfriend.
The inherent problem with modern relationship dynamics
is that society likes to keep friends and "more than friends"
on a very very clearly defined, separate basis.
This leaves ME, personally, in a rather awkward position.
I value my friendships so much that I wouldnt dare jeopardize
them by trying too hard to move them to the next level. It's
almost as if I'd have to immediately jump to hitting on people
I don't already care about in order to secure that kind of closeness,
which is absolutely bonkers.
Not suprisingly, that seems to be the way the world is currently
working.
It's common knowledge that "friends with benefits" doesnt ever
work out. I hear all the time "we're such great friends,
I dont want to risk it" (although that might be a ridiculously
deceitful excuse, it might have merit some of the time).
The point is, if you're a close female friend of mine, I'd
probably really REALLY love to curl up with you on my couch
and watch back to the future, and watch you fall asleep in
my arms.
But since that's not quite acceptable without being
higher on this stupid relationship ladder than friends, and
because I'm too paranoid to risk making the step because
I already care so much, and because even if I did take the step
a complete stranger who was extremely attractive and disinterested
and aloof could easily impress someone more than a long history
of faithfulness, supportiveness and understanding ( hehe separate
issue entirely) it'll probably never happen.
So does anyone feel the same way about their relationships?
